Feelings: friend or foe?

We all walk through dark seasons marked by feelings we would rather not have, where the mingling of these emotions become the white noise of our journey. I have walked through seasons where a recurring sense of frustration is like a bad case of the hiccups that just won't go away. I have been in seasons where anger was always just one word below the surface. Seasons of sadness, desperation, confusion, grief and guilt. In my world, I speak with a lot of adoptive parents, social workers, pastors and kids and although we all have varying abilities of putting words to these seasons, we are all feeling something. 

So what do we do about it? How are we supposed to navigate the turbulent waters of rebellious kids, lack of good friendships, hard decisions and an underlying belief system that maintains that we should be better than this? We should be able to pull a 180 and find joy in the midst of any storm. We should know the steps toward broadening our perspective, breaking through our mental constructs and emotional strongholds to find freedom and open spaces in the middle of our confining circumstances. But you can still hear the white noise. Like a constant static that we manage to turn down but just can't completely mute. I believe there are people who have been so out of touch with their own emotions for so long that it would take a good long while to find them again. You cannot selectively turn down one of your emotions and as we turn down one of them, we, by default, turn them all down. For Christians, having emotions is sometimes equated to ego-centrism; simple distractions that true maturity would free us from. Yet I believe freedom does not lie in learning techniques to systematically turn down our feelings or to see them as weakness as we simultaneously lather judgement upon the "weaker" brothers who seem to have a wide range of emotions. We equate feelings to flesh and emotions to sin: earthly burdens we carry that heaven will one day free us from. 

So what do you say to the adoptive dad who is on the brink of giving up and neck deep in guilt? To the devastated woman who discovered that her employers have exploited her for years and paid her far less than her male counterparts? To the fearful man who takes a courageous stand for justice and truth in the midst of a scandal, knowing that it will potentially mean career suicide? Is our Christian advice for these individuals simply to tune out what they are feeling and just "faith it out"? 

I believe there is divine richness within our emotions that few are courageous and disciplined enough to uncover. Our feelings are certainly not a compass or road map, but they are a language that not only bonds our hearts to others humans, but to God Himself. In the Bible, God was never shocked or turned off by big emotions, rather He expressed his own emotions in very real ways. If we will quiet our hearts enough to listen and lean into the reason behind our emotions, we will not only mature and grow deeper, but we will actually embrace our created form and connect with God in a more profound way. If Christians are know for being numb, then we have truly lost sight of the Jesus of the Bible. Emotional numbness may have the appearance of wisdom or maturity but will completely lack any life, freedom or power. 

We need to have meaningful conversations about our emotions in places where vulnerability is encouraged and being real is the norm. The only way to go through these deep and sometimes overwhelming emotions is THROUGH them (Psalms 77:19). There are no shortcuts. So, whether you are fighting with frustration or struggling with sadness or anger, take the time to think about what walking THROUGH these emotions looks like. Spoiler alert: you can almost never do this alone. We need safe places with safe people to work through the toughest and most shameful feelings. The church should be a place full of humble pilgrims, willing to take others by the hand in meaningful and non-judgmental ways. People whose reflex is to listen and not preach, unafraid to embrace the shocking and uncomfortable. Community is key to unclog our filters of the lies that Satan would have us believe as die hard truths.

Healthy, safe connections help us to re-frame and realign our experiences and the words that have been spoken over us with the TRUTH of who we are. Numbness and indifference are far more dangerous than hate and resentment. Anger and sadness can eventually enrich, but numbness inoculates us from truly connecting with others and with God Himself. It's scary because we don't want to focus on ourselves or think that the Gospel resolves around my emotional state, but the other side of the spectrum is just as dangerous. Emotions are not the gospel and they will not save you, yet if processed and understood they will most certainly help us comprehend the Good News and the God who bears them. They can take us from mindless submission to heartfelt obedience in the context of a deep and rich relationship with a God who is not shocked or turned off by our most raw and vulnerable selves. He also values us too much to have us live there.