The Problem with Self-Care
Are you feeling burnt out or on the edge? Self-care has come to be our token response to this common situation, scratching our itch for the next panacea. For those of us who have worked in situations of taking care of children in youth that have experienced trauma, self-care has strolled into the spotlight in an unassuming way triggering that classic way of processing: where was this concept when I needed it 10 years ago?
When I embarked on this journey of caring for the vulnerable, I can't remember a single soul warning me of the emotional risks of exposing myself to trauma or the inherent cost that chronic empathy would have on me. I was warned not to eat tacos off the street and to steer clear of certain "zonas peligrosas" but never about the exposure of my soul to the trauma of another. The truth is, our society has come to value and praise empathy in such away that we haphazardly enamor ourselves with the concept without understanding the toll we all must pay upon placing ourselves in someone else's shoes. So self-care comes as an awakening to the need to withdraw, to recharge, to count the cost and proceed with certain boundaries and practices in place to foster a long-term, healthy and measured response in our lives.
The danger with self-care is right there in the name: our self. Every time we link that four letter word onto an idea or mantra, a part of us jumps with joy as we secretly love for things to be about us. The path inwards is a slippery slope that cannot be trusted to human devices. I am not a fan of the chronic self-deprecating talk that many Christians employ where "sinful" and "broken" become the primary adjectives to describe the recipient of the most amazing act of love and restorative grace. Yet, every day I am confronted with my flesh and desires that I wish I would have outgrown by now. I continue to act, think and speak in ways that I know are wrong and certainly regret later. But, if I steer the ship too far into the current headwind of self-care, I know that I will fall victim to another expression of the selfish desires that are constantly just below the surface, lurking to seek approval and permission to grow. The trouble with self-care is that any prolonged focus that is utterly fixed on ourselves will eventually make us feel worse. The reason is simple; the essence of true care is wrapped up in the very nature of God. While it is necessary to step back from the needs of this world to take care of the single most important resource we have been given, if my focus on self-care does not involve Jesus, it is simply a placebo that may trick my mind for a minute, but will not tend to the deepest parts of me that are affected by the work that I do.
I encourage everyone that works in pastoral care, children services or any humanitarian or serving profession to engage in a thoughtful and action-based plan for self care. As I have fleshed out my own plan over the past few years, I have seen the benefits and can truthfully say that my family has as well. But, the more I grow and learn, I realize how simple self-care becomes once my focus is on Jesus and the rest He alone provides. With self-care, we must be careful not to glorify the process or romanticize the concept as we will quickly fall victim to the selfish areas of our hearts that call our bodies home. Self-care without Jesus is like putting a bandaid on a flesh wound, distracting our eyes from the truth and offering the illusion of remedy at the expense of the deep healing that must take place. The empathy you are encouraged to experience with others in this world will take a toll on you that will grow in deep and visceral ways if not adequately addressed and processed. But wisdom would tell us to be cautious of how far and deep we go with others without returning to those lengthy steeps in the one who gives living water and the author and most incredible example of empathy that has ever breathed. If empathy is placing ourselves in someone else's shoes, God went a step beyond by placing His son in our own skin and bones. It is only in Him that we can find the strength and space to truly rest: resting not in the effectiveness of our work, or the power of a human process but in the utter completion of Jesus' work on the cross.
So, let us continue to take care of our selves; taking the naps, eating the foods and breathing the breaths. But self-care without faith quickly becomes self-indulgence and without community rapidly turns into self-pity. In order to effectively overcome the empathy fatigue and wounds you acquire you will need to lead your own self care plan, but let this not be in isolation to those around you and may it never be anchored in the effectiveness of practice, but in the deep roots of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
When I embarked on this journey of caring for the vulnerable, I can't remember a single soul warning me of the emotional risks of exposing myself to trauma or the inherent cost that chronic empathy would have on me. I was warned not to eat tacos off the street and to steer clear of certain "zonas peligrosas" but never about the exposure of my soul to the trauma of another. The truth is, our society has come to value and praise empathy in such away that we haphazardly enamor ourselves with the concept without understanding the toll we all must pay upon placing ourselves in someone else's shoes. So self-care comes as an awakening to the need to withdraw, to recharge, to count the cost and proceed with certain boundaries and practices in place to foster a long-term, healthy and measured response in our lives.
The danger with self-care is right there in the name: our self. Every time we link that four letter word onto an idea or mantra, a part of us jumps with joy as we secretly love for things to be about us. The path inwards is a slippery slope that cannot be trusted to human devices. I am not a fan of the chronic self-deprecating talk that many Christians employ where "sinful" and "broken" become the primary adjectives to describe the recipient of the most amazing act of love and restorative grace. Yet, every day I am confronted with my flesh and desires that I wish I would have outgrown by now. I continue to act, think and speak in ways that I know are wrong and certainly regret later. But, if I steer the ship too far into the current headwind of self-care, I know that I will fall victim to another expression of the selfish desires that are constantly just below the surface, lurking to seek approval and permission to grow. The trouble with self-care is that any prolonged focus that is utterly fixed on ourselves will eventually make us feel worse. The reason is simple; the essence of true care is wrapped up in the very nature of God. While it is necessary to step back from the needs of this world to take care of the single most important resource we have been given, if my focus on self-care does not involve Jesus, it is simply a placebo that may trick my mind for a minute, but will not tend to the deepest parts of me that are affected by the work that I do.I encourage everyone that works in pastoral care, children services or any humanitarian or serving profession to engage in a thoughtful and action-based plan for self care. As I have fleshed out my own plan over the past few years, I have seen the benefits and can truthfully say that my family has as well. But, the more I grow and learn, I realize how simple self-care becomes once my focus is on Jesus and the rest He alone provides. With self-care, we must be careful not to glorify the process or romanticize the concept as we will quickly fall victim to the selfish areas of our hearts that call our bodies home. Self-care without Jesus is like putting a bandaid on a flesh wound, distracting our eyes from the truth and offering the illusion of remedy at the expense of the deep healing that must take place. The empathy you are encouraged to experience with others in this world will take a toll on you that will grow in deep and visceral ways if not adequately addressed and processed. But wisdom would tell us to be cautious of how far and deep we go with others without returning to those lengthy steeps in the one who gives living water and the author and most incredible example of empathy that has ever breathed. If empathy is placing ourselves in someone else's shoes, God went a step beyond by placing His son in our own skin and bones. It is only in Him that we can find the strength and space to truly rest: resting not in the effectiveness of our work, or the power of a human process but in the utter completion of Jesus' work on the cross.
So, let us continue to take care of our selves; taking the naps, eating the foods and breathing the breaths. But self-care without faith quickly becomes self-indulgence and without community rapidly turns into self-pity. In order to effectively overcome the empathy fatigue and wounds you acquire you will need to lead your own self care plan, but let this not be in isolation to those around you and may it never be anchored in the effectiveness of practice, but in the deep roots of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
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